QNRT, how I love thee.
Before I describe my next few sessions, I want to talk about how I've felt since the first 3 sessions of QNRT:
I've felt so much better!
My sessions tend to always go back to my gut issues and my limbic system being dysregulated. These two issues have wreaked havoc on my life. Since having QNRT done, my digestion has improved a ton and I'm calmer all the time. I've been in a few situations since, where I've actually caught myself waiting for my limbic system to dysregulate and it hasn't. Didn't stir at all. I continue to have ZERO anxiety at night after the first QNRT session. My digestion has been better. I'm not painfully bloated every second of every day. My skin has cleared up a great deal. This stuff is magic. It's brilliant. I'm hooked.
Wanting to learn more, I jumped on instagram looking for QNRT accounts to follow to see how others are feeling and learn more about the science behind it. And, there's almost NOTHING. Sadly, it turns out that the guy who created it sends out cease and desists like they're party flyers to anyone he thinks might be giving away his proprietary information. It's sad that he holds back his own creation from spreading into the world and helping so many people. I can't imagine the work that went into creating this process. The inventor deserves to be rewarded for that. But, I believe in abundance and that he would make even more money if he allowed information to get out there about his incredible creation. But, what can you do? What a sad world. Money and greed kill progress and healing again. Lame.
We decided to let my body guide this round. That, I've realized, is my favorite way to approach QNRT.
My body chose to go into autoimmune issues, specifically a food sensitivity to dairy and a parasite.
From there, my body chose to address the dairy sensitivity. It led us to age 12, feelings of being defective and was connected to the part of the brain that can cause headaches.
I've gotten migraines from dairy since, probably around age 7.
So, I knew this session was not getting to the meat of the matter but, I was happy my body was beginning to address it. I miss dairy so much and crave it. I want to be able to eat cheese, sour cream, yogurt, and butter again. I deeply miss those foods.
The session led to me discovering it was connected to gaining love and approval of a family member. It was something I would have NEVER connected. But, sure enough, the rush of the emotional release shot up through my body and to my head making me a bit lightheaded.
During this retraining, I had to wear red tinted glasses as it was heavily associated with my vision and the color red. So, while wearing the glasses I performed the now familiar motions of stimulating my vagus nerve and so on.
One thing I continue to love about QNRT is the release of all this trapped energy and emotion. It works better than anything I've ever experienced for treating this.
My affirmations this week are a bit too personal to share but one that is less personal is:
This session my body wanted a regular QNRT session and not an autoimmune one.
It signaled toward a bacteria, specifically H. Pylori.
It's interesting, a couple years ago, I had a scope done of my stomach and samples taken to test for H. Pylori because I had all the symptoms of it but everything came back negative. Even my doctor was shocked I didn't have it. My QNRT doctor had no idea about this. I've noticed that sometimes with QNRT, it doesn't necessarily mean you have the bacteria or parasite that shows up, just the symptoms of it.
It continues to amazing me how our bodies are capable of telling these secrets.
The feeling of being in survival mode, anger, and frustration were all tied to this.
It settled in my brain stem and taxed my adrenals and limbic system, leaving me feeling exhausted. The stress was long term and connected to my heart, physical, and situation.
The emotion tied to it was the feeling of wanting to get rid of something.
And, the age that showed up was 17. Then it hit me, at age 17, I was planning on killing myself. I had a full plan laid out and I was meticulously following it. I was miserable and ready to die. I did not fit into this world. I had never fit. It reached a point of exhaustion for me at 17 with so many people telling me to dress, think, and be different than who I naturally was. I was DONE.
This is the first time smell has come up.
For someone with such gnarly MCS (multiple Chemical Sensitivity), specifically scent-based, smell has not come up during any of my retrainings, until now.
During this retraining, she added in for me to sniff a small whiff of coffee grounds from a tiny glass jar along with the usual motions of moving my jaw and pushing my tongue into my cheek.
Maybe my MCS won't be resolved from one big session and one huge trigger long ago but with the release of all these other emotional stressors I picked up all throughout my life that seem unconnected to the MCS, yet ultimately are?
My MCS has improved and later that day I walked through a Lowe's through clouds of perfume and strong chemical scents with ZERO MCS flares. Holy shit, that was fun.
The evening after this session, my stomach started to grumble.
It was so loud and continuous, I was worried that maybe I had food poisoning. Thankfully, no food poisoning hit. And, since then, my digestion has been so much better! I guess it was the grumbling of my intestines coming back to life. A true turning point.
This session's affirmations are:
My body decided to go back into resolving autoimmune issues.
Chocolate and household cleaning products showed up.
The chocolate sensitivity showed up as the emotion of "can't resolve stress" and the household cleaning products were tied to the feeling of "can't get away". My temporal lobe is where the dysfunction was tied to with the feeling of being lost and not having direction. This all registered as long-term stress, leaving me feeling exhausted and tied back to age 2.
This is the first time I've had a trauma show up during a time I have no memory of.
But, I tried to remember what I'd heard my parents tell me about that time. And, I remembered that we moved. We had two moves in fact. The first move was from the only home I had ever known, in Peoria, to my grandparent's house. This grandma is a hostile and violent woman. She is not a safe person to be around. While living with this lunatic, my parents were able to save money and buy a home that we moved into next, all while I was still 2. It was a trying time for my parents. My dad had been laid off. He left to help his parents for a couple weeks before heading to Oklahoma to look for work. My mom was pregnant with my brother and about to give birth at any moment. While helping his parents, my dad found work in his hometown and called my mom to let her know he wasn't going to Oklahoma after all. So, my mom packed up the house and moved us to my dad's hometown and into her parent's house. There was a lot of stress and uncertainty in the adults surrounding me at this time.
My mom has deep cleaned every new home we've moved into.
And this move was no exception. Being so young, was I stuck near where all these cleaning products were being used? Not able to get away? Feeling the stress of the whole situation and taking that in on a subconscious level? Did I eat chocolate around this time? I don't know the answer to any of these questions but I now know that my mind connected them.
This whole experience made me think of something my mom told me last year.
I was working through the Unblocked Shadow workshop from TBM and part of that meant I needed to ask some trusted people close to me to tell me what they see as my shadow. So, I asked my mom. Her response really triggered me. I had asked her to share with me some shadow of my current self and instead, she told me she sat at lunch with my dad and they talked about it together, the first jab. I felt violated. Even though I love my dad, I didn't ask him, or them, I asked her. Then, she told me that starting at age 3 I would cry whenever I would have to leave the house. Jab number 2. How could I better my 3 year old self now? I wasn't even a fully conscious human then. Why tell me about this? I was blindsided and triggered.
I know I've always had extreme anxiety when I've had to leave the house. I've been able to quiet it some through the years but it still flares up, especially if I have to be social. But, now I understand. Or, at least I have an idea as to why that might be. Maybe leaving the only home I ever knew at 2 and moving into the dragon's lair with stressed out parents only to move again in less than a year, maybe, just maybe that made me feel unsettled about leaving home? Maybe I was worried I'd never get to come back home? Maybe I would have to go somewhere that felt unsafe? Or both?
I didn't realize that anxiety started at 3, not long after we moved into our new home. And, I could not have predicted back then that that pattern would be reinforced at 6 when we moved to Kansas, then again at 10 when we moved to Colorado, and again at 14, then again at 18, and so on.
I've always wondered what home really was.
Or how to respond when people ask me where I'm from. And, this session has me reflecting on that again. I have a place where I was born but I don't even remember what that city looks like, I left it at age 2. So, is that my home? I've had many cities, states, and even another country where I've lived since then at varying lengths, are any of them my home? Doesn't seem like it to me. I'm a floater that just wants to be home. But there is no home. I've been searching for it my whole life. Maybe since I was 2?
This session's affirmations are:
I left this session feeling the waves of relief wash over me.
Each wave more relaxing than the next. It's my favorite part of QNRT.
Hi, I'm Dana.
I love art, design, vintage goods, healthy living, and weirdo fringe stuff.
I design wallpaper and textiles under the name Dolphin & Condor.
I have my own line of pillows based on the periodic table called Element Pillows.
I have an ugly Christmas sweater shop called My Ugly Sweater.
I edit and sell vintage photos under the handle Photo Trade Co.
And, so much more! Can you tell I enjoy working?